In a bold move, NASA has shot the moon with a big-ass missile.

Today's twin-impact is a preemptive strike, as the moon proves to pose a "Clear and Present Danger" to the oft-forgotten American Green Cheese industry, says inside sources.

The first salvo in this War Against Near-Earth Orbiting Satellites was fired today at about 8:00AM Eastern Time, followed shortly by a kamikaze-like suicide attack by the accompanying satellite.

Dan Andrews (NASA's LCROSS project manager) said that "the spacecraft performed beautifully." NASA crashed the satellite into the moon as part of their mission. Today's mission marks a new world record for "makin' it rain" as this mission appears to have cost about $79 million.

This also appears to be the beginning of a wholesale assault on the moon, to be followed up with a full-scale invasion featuring a "coalition of the willing", which is comprised primarily of scientists marooned on the International Space Station without a working toilet.They've been promised theuse of "facilities" en route to their lunar landing.

This first, historic foray into hurling random shit at celestial bodies appears to be so successful that NASA intends to continue the program, hurling other objects at other objects in our solar system, including:

• 10/01/2011 - Launch a giant spitball at the plant Venus just b/c we can.
  
• 10/21/2014 - Operation "Rubber/Glue" intends to hurl a capsule containing over 1500 "Yo Momma" jokes (translated in 31 languages) at Mars. A DVD video featuring famous insult comic Don Rickles will accompany the mission.
• 12/25/2016 - Mission "Hu-Flung-Poo" intends to fling excrement from the NJ Sewer Commission at the former planet "Pluto" in a final insult. This will be a joint venture with the sewer authority in an attempt to solve an age-old poop storage problem for NYC.

While impressive, this attack is not really the first of it's kind. Most notably, Darth Vader once gave a good shot to Alderaan (via the Emperial Death Star).

Ivyhurst.com's tweeted @dathvader, but so far, no comment.

Check out this incredibly boring video to see the attack!

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