Hey folks. I've decided to create a new art form. It's called Reading Poetry to the Lawn Mower. This new medium is sure to revolutionize the art world. You see, garden equipment needs more culture. It's starved for some lyrical content. As such, I've taken up the task.  I've even offered services to read to my mower on commission .

There's nothing quite like the expression on a weed wacker when you read it a nice passage from Frost, Poe, Dickenson, or Lady GaGa. You can see the years of abuse melt away. I had to document the phenomenon.

For my first forray into this new, emerging artform, I've taken on a song by the budding English artist SiFu Music . 

The iPhone's a pretty neat device. Sure, it's not the best at being a “phone”, but it is a very handy device to have in your pocket. As advertised, there really is an “app” for just about anything you can imagine. Sure, most of those apps are silly crap, but in truth, most of what people imagine is silly crap.

Over the past year or so, my little black iPhone has become an integral device in my daily life. I use it for e-mail. I surf the web on it. I use it to find restaurants, look up directions, answer random trivia, it's my camera, about 90% of my tweets and Facebook posts come from my iPhone. It's also my music player of choice. (Nothing yet designed tops the design of the iPod.)

So, what could be so wrong with the iPhone that I am considering ditching it? SMS popups. They are unstoppable. 

I finally decided to post a few songs on ReverbNation .

All of these were recorded by myself on a MacBook Pro using GarageBand. Some came out pretty well, I think. Anyhow, listen and enjoy. Feel free to drop some hatemail in the comment section here or at reverbnation.

If you're a 30-something "Gen X" whatever like me, you remember A Nightmare on Elm Street and Freddie Krueger as fondly as Mickey Mouse. The "Nightmare" movies were a staple of our youth.

When I'd heard the franchise was getting remade for a new generation, I was actually pretty psyched. Why not? The old movies, while classics, are kinda dated. A fresh take seemed like fun. (You can't expect Hollywood to come up with anything new, there's too much risk in originality.)

So, that's where I'm coming from. I'm not really a "film critic", but this film inspired me to write. It was that wrong...

Spoiler Alert! Stop Reading if you give a damn about the plot of this movie...

In a bold move, NASA has shot the moon with a big-ass missile.

Today's twin-impact is a preemptive strike, as the moon proves to pose a "Clear and Present Danger" to the oft-forgotten American Green Cheese industry, says inside sources.

The first salvo in this War Against Near-Earth Orbiting Satellites was fired today at about 8:00AM Eastern Time, followed shortly by a kamikaze-like suicide attack by the accompanying satellite.

Dan Andrews (NASA's LCROSS project manager) said that "the spacecraft performed beautifully." NASA crashed the satellite into the moon as part of their mission. Today's mission marks a new world record for "makin' it rain" as this mission appears to have cost about $79 million.

This also appears to be the beginning of a wholesale assault on the moon, to be followed up with a full-scale invasion featuring a "coalition of the willing", which is comprised primarily of scientists marooned on the International Space Station without a working toilet.They've been promised theuse of "facilities" en route to their lunar landing.

This first, historic foray into hurling random shit at celestial bodies appears to be so successful that NASA intends to continue the program, hurling other objects at other objects in our solar system, including:

• 10/01/2011 - Launch a giant spitball at the plant Venus just b/c we can.
  
• 10/21/2014 - Operation "Rubber/Glue" intends to hurl a capsule containing over 1500 "Yo Momma" jokes (translated in 31 languages) at Mars. A DVD video featuring famous insult comic Don Rickles will accompany the mission.
• 12/25/2016 - Mission "Hu-Flung-Poo" intends to fling excrement from the NJ Sewer Commission at the former planet "Pluto" in a final insult. This will be a joint venture with the sewer authority in an attempt to solve an age-old poop storage problem for NYC.